jeff hogue/ bluelab art org

Finish what you've started here
You make your move
just once a year
In the city
in the town
Your happy home
is never found
Second hand
was never planned
The birth was over,
the baby banned
She fled the place
at such a pace
She never even saw your face
So go with me
Inside
Believe
You have so much to give

Switch the light off,
have a go
Force the only one you know
To leave this place
without a trace
A pity
I had seen your face
Where do you think
I will find
This party girl
who was so kind?
Raven hair
and skin so fair
Sadness
never visits there
So go with me
Inside
Believe
You have so much to give

the Delgados
Make Your Move

We didn't sleep too late.
There was a fire in the yard.
All of the tress were in light.
They had no faces to show.
I saw a sign in the sky:
Seven swans,
seven swans,
seven swans.
I heard a voice in my mind:
I will try, I will try, I will try. I will try, I will try, I will try.
We saw the dragon move down.
My father burned into coal.
My mother saw it from far.
She took her purse to the bed.
I saw a sign in the sky:
Seven horns, seven horns, seven horns.
I heard a voice in my mind:
I am Lord, I am Lord, I am Lord.
He said: I am Lord, I am Lord, I am Lord.
He said: I am Lord, I am Lord, I am Lord.
He will take you.
If you run,
He will chase you.
He will take you.
If you run,
He will chase you
'cause He is the Lord.
'Cause He is the Lord...
Seven swans, seven swans, seven swans, seven swans, seven swans...

Sufjan Stevens Seven Swans

“The question is no longer how did we get here, and why? But, where can we possibly go, and how? We live in a society that has drastically narrowed our sensitivity to moral and spiritual issues; the problem we face is how to deal with a belief structure that has blocked both psychological and spiritual development. If there is a new agenda, a new vision now emerging within our society, how might one help put it into practice?”
Suzi Gablik

...bluelab is being developed upon the issue first posed by Einstein, "a problem cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness in which it was created.” It has become evident to many that in order to meet the problems we face as a species we must embrace a radical revision of our beliefs and our behaviors.

bluelab functions upon the strong presumption that artists likely figure significantly into the revisioning of a new world—and the invention of ways to communicate our discoveries. As we all learn more and more about our essential interconnectedness it also becomes increasingly evident that artists can’t function in a social vacuum. The label of “artist” is a problematic one and only used as a signifier of persons with specific media skills and training who are fluent in creative processes and who have some professional link to art. We are working to deconstruct as much as possible the binary--"us vs. them" mentality that still pervades the high art world. It seems to us that consistent with new paradigmatic shifts taking placethroughout all fields--there is a need to reconsider our accepted definitions of "artist" and "audience" all together. bluelab is constructed to offer pathways into higher levels of inclusivity. It is only through true inclusion that we can hope to make work that is deeply inviting and that offers an atmosphere of true love and trust and safety to all.

In terms of the way bluelab will in fact function, we are working to develop a sound and effective approach to community building which relies heavily upon time tested processes that are well understood and are seeking the help of people who are expert in these processes. On practical levels, the sharing and cross fertilization of specific areas of expertise allows for rich and complex works which through communal process are fused unselfconsiously and intuitively making of an organic whole.

Why all the talk of “community”?It is our firm belief that by building works in a heightened communal space we will in fact be building works potent with transformational energies. Jung talked about the distinctions between “liminal”or
transformative space and “liminoid”, or works that are simply entertaining. With a hard look at where we are at as a species and planet—it seems like simple math that we must link art making to the real task at hand—that of saving the earth.

Jesus pushes it back to the edge. Can you even see the image of Christ in the least of the brothers and sisters? He uses that as his only description of the final judgement. Nothing about commandments, nothing about church attendance, nothing about papal infallibility: simply a matter of our ability to see. Can we see Christ in the people, the nobodies who can't play our game of success? They smell. They're a nuisance. They're on welfare. They are a drain on our tax money. If we can, then we are really seeing.

He pushes it even further than that. He says we have to love and recognize the divine image even in our enemies. He teaches what they thought a religious leader could never demand of his followers: love of the enemy. Logically that makes no sense. Soulfully it makes absolute sense, because in terms of the soul, it really is all or nothing. Either we see the divine image in all created things or we don't see it at all. Once we see it, we're trapped. We see it once and the circle keeps moving out. If we still try to exclude some: sick people, blacks, people on welfare, gays (or whomever we've decided to hate), we're not there. We don't understand. If the world is a temple, then our enemies are sacred, too. The ability to respect the outsider is probably the litmus test of true seeing. ...

Everything becomes enchanting...

Richard Rohr Everything Belongs

“[Suzi] Gablik speaks of the previous paradigm of the Enlightenment period and what it has meant to artists: ‘Individualism, freedom and self-expression are the great modernist buzz words.’ The notion that art could serve collective cultural needs rather than a personal quest for self-expression seems almost ‘presumptuous’ in that worldview. Yet this assumption lies at the base of a paradigm shift in art, a shift ‘from objects to relationships.’ Gablik challenges her coworkers not to settle for abstract theorizing in making this paradigm shift. She personalizes and therefore grounds the transformations that must be undergone when she insists that ‘the way to prepare the ground for a new paradigm shift is to make changes in one’s own life.’ Spirituality is about praxis, she is saying, not just theory.”
Matthew Fox, The Reinvention of Work

Is it possible to create new spiritual structures for collaborative art making and to implement such toward community building with a depth of conviction, courage and inspiration that might move participants beyond self-interest toward truly new possibilities? Is it possible that with rigorous and focused processes artists could joyously make work engaging meaningfully with the specter of our global challenges while together exploring the uncharted territory of their souls? Can community building processes readily pour into art making wherein something meaningful and healing might evolve? Is it possible that these discoveries might be transmitted to the public at large through various new media shedding fresh light upon human potentials? Is it possible that all of this could dovetail with the efforts of important organizations such as The Global Justice Movement, Environmental Defense and Amnesty International toward a healthier and happier planet?

We say hopefully, yes.

What if artists were offered stipends, room and board allowing them to come together and to work intensively and without distraction for substantial blocks of time on film, music and real time performance collaborations? What if artists and thinkers could explore important issues in depth leading to transformational theater, installation, film and music? What if these artists were guided by experts through a structured community building process prior to beginning to create their projects? What if artists were given opportunity to work with and interact with some of the leaders of our time in the fields of art, science, and philosophy? What if these artists were given all the production equipment and technical assistance they might need to produce global quality shows? What if supporters and friends of our organization were given intimate amphitheater access to segments of our artists’ processes as well as early rehearsals, scheduled meals, activities and fellowship? What if the productions could be built and performed with some eventually touring the US and the world?

bluelab has been founded and created out of a perceived need to reconsider art making and professional collaborative art practice proceeding boldly from visionary prerogatives. We don’t find fault with the many artists who will not be drawn to what we are doing—for spiritual practice and its interface with collaborative art making are not for everyone.

In light of our present global endgame scenario it seems frivolous at best to argue over rhetorical issues. bluelab is intended for the “Great Work”--that of joining leaders of many fields worldwide who are engaged in the work of saving the earth. We believe that perhaps the only way to meet our present challenges is to deeply transform ourselves which implies the support of a real community and structured spiritual practice to be determined by each member for her or himself.

When serious professional artists are willing to embrace the rigors of authentic spiritual practice, the work of community building and heightened artistic collaboration will undoubtedly fall quickly into place.

The abundance of quotes from Sufi teachers have been included simply because they are part of my daily practice and do not infer a direct link between bluelab and Sufism. In point of fact, any serious spiritual practitioner must see that there can be no schism between the teachings of true Sufism and any sincere humanitarian interest. In the interest of those who may fear some sort of covert Islamic link, Sufism as it’s practiced and defined by and large in the West is Universalist in its orientation and in fact many Sufi’s roots are Christian and Jewish.

"Emptiness feels empty not because there is nothing present, but because whatever it is we're doing has no egotistic interference. The subtle arteries have no ego plaque in them, nothing to resist the smooth flow of the soul. Without our getting in the way, the life of the soul is rich and full, though unpredictable. But it isn't easy to trust strong desire and the life that keeps pouring into us. We always think we know better what should be and how it should all turn out. That is why the death principle --avoiding, worrying, being moralistic--is so popular." Thomas Moore The Soul's Religion

All through Erikson’s work is the implication that the creative adult (the generative adult) is precisely the person who can infuse his life with play;…the great cultural synthesizers—the religious, political and cultural geniuses such as Luther, Freud and Gandhi—were supreme in their playfulness, especially in their work. Their great words of synthesis were personal attempts to restore the active mastery of their egos in the context of the tensions and dichotomies of their personal and public historical situations. All great historical syntheses are as much play as they are work. They are work because they are indeed attentive to the real contradictions and tensions that most people of a given historical period both sense and suffer. They are a result of play because the creative genius does not simply conform to, adjust to, and accommodate to these tensions. Instead, he bends and reshapes these tensions until they submit to a new synthesis which not only enlivens and activates him but which also enlivens and activates a whole people and an entire era.

“Some renaissance theologians worked hard at reconciling paganism with Judaism and Christianity. We have yet to achieve this détente that is essential to the life of the soul. Fragments of our hearts and minds are located in the garden of Gethsemane and in the garden of Epicurus, on the zodiac of the Apostles and on the zodiac of the animals, in the wine of Dionysus and in the wine of the Eucharist, in the psalms of David and in the hymns of Homer.

It is not a matter of belonging to a religion or professing one’s faith, it is a matter of orientation in life and participation in its mysteries.

We can all be pagan in our affirmation of all of life, Christian in our affirmation of communal love, Jewish in our affirmation of the sacredness of family, [Islamic in our affirmation of self-sacrifice,] [Hindu in our affirmation of the multiplicity of God's expression], Buddhist in our affirmation of emptiness, and Taoist in our affirmation of paradox.

The new monk wears invisible robes. Thomas Merton travels across the globe, and in the home of Eastern monks, dies. Isn’t this a myth for our time and about the resurrection of the monastic spirit!”

“Vulnerability, then, is not only the ability to risk being wounded but is most often made manifest by revealing our woundedness: our brokenness, our crippledness, our weaknesses, our failures and inadequacies. I do not think that Jesus walked vulnerably among the outcasts and crippled of the world purely as a sacrificial act. To the contrary, I suspect he did so because he preferred their company. It is only among the overtly imperfect that we can find community and only among the overtly imperfect nations of the world that we can find peace. Our imperfections are among the few things we human beings have in common….Indeed, only honest people can play a healing role in the world.”
M.Scott Peck, M.D., A Different Drum

"In the very first chapter Thomas (Berry) lays before us 'The Great Work.' In each historical epoch, he says, people are given a “Great Work” to do—in one age, the settling of new lands, in another the building of great cathedrals, the creation of artistic, philosophical, religious or scientific works, or the shaping of political structures and ideas. The Great Works of prior periods are seen in such things as the movement of the first people out of Africa in the Paleolithic Period; the creation of language, rituals and social structures in hunter-gatherer communities; the establishment of agriculture communities in the Neolithic Period; the development of the great classical civilizations; and, in the modern period, advances in technology, urban civilization, new
ideals of government and human rights, the modern business enterprise and globalism.

Our Great Work is not something we choose, Thomas says. It is something we find ourselves thrown into by virtue only of being born in a certain time and place. The task may seem
overwhelming, one coming in response to some huge historical difficulty, but, he observes, just as we are given our historical task by some power beyond ourselves, we must also believe we are given the abilities to fulfill this task.
The Great Work into which we and our children are born, Thomas says, comes in response to
the devastation of the planet caused by human activity. We are facing a breakdown in the life
systems that can only be understood by comparison with events that marked the great transitions in the geo-biological eras of Earth’s history, such as the extinction of the dinosaurs and countless other species when the Mesozoic Era ended and our present Cenozoic Era began. Our task is to move from our modern industrial civilization with its devastating impact to that of benign presence. It is an arduous and overwhelming task, one exceeding in its complexity that ever offered to humans, for it is not simply one of adjustment to disturbance of human life patterns, as, for example, that occasioned by the Great Depression or the recent World Wars, but one of dealing with the disruption and termination of the geo-biological system that has governed the functioning of the planet in the 67 million year reign of the Cenozoic Era in the history of the planet Earth."

Ten Sufi Thoughts

from The Way of Illumination by Hazrat Inayat Khan

There are ten principal Sufi thoughts which comprise all the important subjects with which the inner life of man is concerned:
1) There is one God, the Eternal, the Only Being; none else exists save God.
2) There is one Master, the Guiding Spirit of all souls, who constantly leads all followers towards the light.
3) There is one Holy Book, the sacred manuscript of nature, which truly enlightens all readers.
4) There is one Religion, the unswerving progress in the right direction towards the ideal, which fulfils the life's purpose of every soul.
5) There is one Law, the law of Reciprocity, which can be observed by a selfless conscience together with a sense of awakened justice.
6) There is one human Brotherhood, the Brotherhood and Sisterhood which unites the children of earth indiscriminately in the Fatherhood (/Motherhood) of God.
7) There is one Moral Principle, the love which springs forth from self-denial, and blooms in deeds of beneficence.
8) There is one Object of Praise, the beauty which uplifts the heart of its worshipper through all aspects from the seen to the unseen.
9) There is one Truth, the true knowledge of our being within and without which is the essence of all wisdom.
10) There is one Path, the annihilation of the false ego in the real, which raises the mortal to immortality and in which resides all perfection.

The following are shared objectives for bluelab and were first articulated as such by Hazrat Inayat Khan who is credited as the first to bring Sufism to the West--in the early 20th century.

The objectives of the Sufi path:

1) To realize and spread the knowledge of unity, the religion of love and wisdom, so that the bias of faiths and beliefs may of itself fall away, the human heart may overflow with love, and all hatred caused by distinctions and differences may be rooted out.

2) To discover the light and power latent in man, the secret of all religion, the power of mysticism, and the essence of philosophy, without interfering with customs or belief.

3) To help to bring the world's two opposite poles, East and West, closer together by the interchange of thought and ideals that the Universal Brotherhood may form of itself and man may see with man beyond the narrow national and racial boundaries.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

The Choreographer Works Too Bits and Pieces

Attention

Pronunciation:*-*ten(t)-sh*n; sense 4 often (*-)*ten(ch)-*h*t

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English attencioun, from Latin attention-, attentio, from attendere

Date:14th century

1 a : the act or state of attending especially through applying the mind to an object of sense or thought b : a condition of readiness for such attention involving especially a selective narrowing or focusing of consciousness and receptivity

2 : OBSERVATION, NOTICE; especially : consideration with a view to action *a problem requiring prompt attention*

3 a : an act of civility or courtesy especially in courtship b : sympathetic consideration of the needs and wants of others : ATTENTIVENESS

4 : a position assumed by a soldier with heels together, body erect, arms at the sides, and eyes to the front often used as a command

–attentional \-*ten(t)-sh(*-)n*l\ adjective

“Struggling with the fatigue of unmeasured exertion,

Compromised eating habits and self doubt

There’s been a ground swell

Of concerted actions and risks accumulated

Of recent failures and successes

Reverence

Pronunciation:*rev-r*n(t)s, *re-v*-; *re-v*rn(t)s

Function:noun

Date:14th century

1 : honor or respect felt or shown : DEFERENCE; especially : profound adoring awed respect

2 : a gesture of respect (as a bow)

3 : the state of being revered

4 : one held in reverence used as a title for a clergyman

synonyms see HONOR

Mobilize

Pronunciation:*m*-b*-*l*z

Function:verb

Inflected Form:-lized ; -lizing

Date:1838

transitive senses

1 a : to put into movement or circulation *mobilize financial assets* b : to release (something stored in the organism) for bodily use

2 a : to assemble and make ready for duty b : to marshal (as resources) for action *mobilize support for a proposal*

intransitive senses : to undergo mobilization

Immerse

Pronunciation:i-*m*rs

Function:transitive verb

Inflected Form: immersed ; immersing

Etymology:Middle English, from Latin immersus, past participle of immergere, from in- + mergere to merge

Date:15th century

1 : to plunge into something that surrounds or covers; especially : to plunge or dip into a fluid

2 : ENGROSS, ABSORB *completely immersed in his work*

3 : to baptize by immersion

Numen

Pronunciation:*n*-m*n, *ny*-

Function:noun

Inflected Form:plural numina \-m*-n*\

Etymology:Latin, nod, divine will, numen; akin to Latin nutare to nod, Greek neuein

Date: 1628

a spiritual force or influence often identified with a natural object, phenomenon, or place

Screen black soft somber music plays

Narrator one

8.03.06

Still no word from Roshi Joan Halifax who remains sequestered in her summer meditation intensive in Santa Fe. Her silence leaves me with all the familiar demons of uncertainty and doubt I’ve come to know so well. Learning to hold doubt gracefully seems linked to a willingness to apply real rigor to my practice—allowing me to transfer some of the self-centered grasping and concern and anxiety of limbo to a more focused sense of devotion and sensitive trust in process. Even talk like this is fluffy for someone who might consider himself somewhat advanced. Anyway watching the breath through ready recognition is helpful—on top of a scheduled practice that requires some sacrifice of other things.

I’m feeling much stronger these days and have for now escaped the delusion that pot can make me happy. I do love the exhilaration of self abandon, but when you’re reckless you attract reckless people. For my birthday in October of 2004 I had 30 or so people—a lot of the most talented people in KC. Last birthday I spent alone—and I don’t think I got a card or phone call from anyone. I’ve shifted back into my preferred mode and given up on Kansas City and its lights for now. I’m pretty clear these days that most of the people I surrounded myself with aren’t capable of real friendship and intimacy—it’s not really their fault. On some level I know that I am the creator or my life and circumstance.

Exterior Day

Image: helicopter flies over a house in the suburbs continuing on over block after block of identical streets. Car drives along camera sees as though from the vantage point of passenger in the back seat. The car is old and one senses they are looking at a time perhaps 30 years ago or more which eventually is confirmed when some kids wearing 70’s styles are spotted walking down the street.

Interior day morning camera sees a man sitting at a computer in robe.

Narrator two

After morning rituals and breakfast he goes to the computer to check emails, He uses the web as a sort of I Ching device in which he searches out ideas, concepts, people, and words as they pop into his mind. Bill Viola springs to mind.

He Googles “bill viola” and soon lands upon a passage which seems to characterize many of his own leanings though his project “bluelab” remains amorphous, theoretical and ineffectual like a dike full of holes:

Narrator three

“The spirituality of Bill Viola’s work draws inspiration from Christian mysticism, Zen Buddhism, Balinese and Javanese music, Sufi poetry and many other sources. He uses everyday images and, by drawing attention to the ordinary, and to neutral states of mind such as sleep or stillness, he opens inner doors to our own psyches. Using the familiar and modern medium of video he creates an intimate and moving experience.”

Narrator two

And so he begins writing another poem as he reflects that as of the perhaps hundreds of poems he’s written—almost none remain—some were stolen by an acquaintance back in Austin, some were burned in an impulsive but perhaps worthwhile sacrificial ritual in his parents downstairs fireplace, and a good number were devoured along with fifteen to twenty gigabytes of work he’d failed to back up on external disks…his super geek programmer friend Derek theorizes a cyber Jihad was loosed upon the western world’s computers in mid-early July in response to Israel’s attacks on Hezbollah neighborhoods in Beirut. Who’s to say?

It could be clearly stated that he lost all that work because he hadn’t backed it up properly, rule of thumb, “If it isn’t backed up, you don’t have it.” Comes to mind. He thinks of some of Thomas Moore’s work and how much he has come to mean to him in terms of his articulation of the coexisting agenda of the soul and the spirit—and how so much is confused in western spirituality in particular (meaning of course all 3 monotheisms) wherein unchecked spirituality gives rise to fanaticism and violence when left unchecked by the soul.

In this land of information we all exist in—there seems to be more questions than ever before…as the geometric compression of information builds—the fossil fuels continue to corrupt our sky—as summers grow hotter so it seems does our temper.

By the way, I wanna put in a plug for Alyse and Soma fm in San Francisco—Indie pop rocks is the best mix on the airwaves—that I know of anyway…

So anyway he begins writing:

In a darkened room, an old projector projects the image of little girl in white sitting alone in the middle of an old abandoned theater. She sits attently watching the empty stage and listening…

In a baritone black man’s voice muffled and in and out of clarity oscillating somehow but with out clear pattern:

(But he watches his breath returning to this moment)

“Struggling with the fatigue of unmeasured exertion,

Compromised eating habits and self- doubt

There’s been a ground swell

Of concerted actions and risks accumulated

Of recent failures and successes

Luxury car sells are up as quietly thousands of American children learn to sleep with empty bellies

Commingling as rusty dump trucks

Filled with refuse converge upon an isolated field of roses

The stench of the rejected remnants of a fast food culture on the skids

Descends upon the perfume of all we had once hoped for

one more time…

spoken by a blond boy on a skateboard

Gurdjieff’s “Law of 2^nd Force” is in place. “You know…entropy, man.”

Back to black baritone voice

Disbelief has been our friend and shield from the manipulative and cold hearted while intelligent sophisticates and black clad* art grad hipsters plot their career courses of conquest scribbling upon maps of California or New York

*That hip disaffected heroin look popularized by many of our European ubber sheik cultural icons

A car drives by and one hears Bob Dylan on the radio

(And thus he prays for direction)

But it has crippled us who are old enough to know better too leaving us lifeless and disenchanted and anemic with boredom. Some people are too tired from it all to change their bong water. At least until someone ridicules them sufficiently for it.

Vanity is still a motivator for most of us.

Talk drifts into mumbling voice of a young glue head Gummo like narrator

Coy and stylish and grave

But unwilling to risk anything really

We sip the newest caffeinated concoctions and complain of the greed of politicians

(However we tire quickly from the smoke we bonged a while earlier) repeat of earlier…delete?

And lust for one another’s mates

Dissipated and distracted we entertain ourselves with innuendo (and oftentimes Nintendo)

Munching sweet exotic poisonous snacks and

Occasionally other things more dangerous and fun come along

But the highs turn into ugly days after

True some of us are impervious to toxins—but we remain ineffectual

Like wax heroes

Standing with the frozen and dumbfounded

Hiding among the ignorant lining sidewalks

The specter rises in the distance only glimpsed in moments too shattering to reckon

And so forgotten and ignored

Gaining speed and altitude in geometric fashion the abomination enchants

Rousing our sex and ambition and sense of pride and power

We are Americans

Like a shiny outdoor family friendly country music show

Loud and upbeat with colorful lights and cool backdrop videos

Cold Bud and warm pretzels with mustard

(Change scenes seamlessly like Syriana or Traffic with new lenses colors denoting continental location change) Image of a jet high overhead—black and white and grainy as though shot from a hand held home camera

All the while soulless lobbies edit scientific findings earning them second homes and legacy track prepaid entrance to all the right schools for their kids

Grease the wheel buying teen escorts for senators and dealing them aces in back room country club poker from the bottom of the deck

Trading their souls for the occasional private jet rides on fat white Italian leather couches and old scotch

passing high overhead

Like dark gods in fire white Gulfstream chariots at just under the speed of the their own sound

Off to celebrate the provisions and itineraries of the anointed

Heard as if through an airport loudspeaker with echo and reverb

“6.19 Dinner in Casablanca

6.20 Opera in Milan

6.21 Golf in Edinburgh

6.22 Board meeting Manhattan”

Whilst the game show public turns their attention to the newest snack forms with coupons and diet promises

Bovine and slow empty eyed leering at their newest flat screens

Learning more and more about cold case forensics and celebrity scandals

Sunken into surround sounds and oversized sectionals charged without interest (for 24 months!)

Retracted and disabled contained in clean row houses with well edged lawns

Suburban streets are bare like ghost towns

Man I’m thinking all this is so hateful—maybe I have to stop reading Adbusters

All the while

The water is rising as the poles silently melt away and polar bears drown without incident

In presidential tone: ( “Scooter Isn’t Kyoto some where’s southwest of Fort Worth?”)

So the illumination came many years ago

And for a time the boy hero stood freed from the wall of illusions that had been his life

And saw that there was only love behind the parade of this world

Of this and that and all we categorize as desirable or that to be rejected

And finds himself exhilarated to the point of shock and awe

He stays with it all with breath and prayers

And remains perched upon the apex

As long as he can hold up.

Or under it all as long as he can withstand the pressures

Millions of watts pour through a home built system with wires and capacitors exploding

The fragile neurochemistry is thrown asunder by the sustained unfiltered presence of pure love

They say that the ocean receives all rivers because it holds itself lower

Only the sturdiest are capable of sustained humility

Love ravages as it heals and releases

He notices his anger and frustration. His teeth are going bad. The last time he saw a dentist was in 1992 when he spent 3 days painting clouds on the walls of a dentist office on the plaza in Kansas City to trade for 25 minutes with a dentist.

Having in the past been given only the finest care for his medical needs—he’s now tapped out his insurance sources, is penniless and in fact in debt beyond belief. The interest on his student loans is equivalent to most people’s mortgages. Forced to compete for survival along with the other anawim in our culture—the damaged and forgotten, the illegal immigrants, the poor, the handicapped, the psychotic and powerless—those who are unable to effectively compete for the goods in this culture where big fish eat the little ones..

To be continued…time for housework

I listen to this great song on the radio coming through my computer from San Francisco where surely the air is softer and the sun milder…

With a harp accompanying I hear this wonderful voice:

The South Nine Lives

You ask about forgiveness
Of not to find the watchin'
A chance to set you back straight
A chance to find some feelin'

You say you will come home soon
We'll see you most the weekdays
Miss you at the best of times
You help me walk that fine line

Sometimes
You pay a lone reflection
This walking figure
Might have nine lives

Sometimes
You pale with desire
Don't know whether
You've used all your lives

We'll talk about forgiveness
I'm here to find the meaning
I miss you at the best of times
You help me walk that fine line

Sometimes
You pay a lone reflection
This walking figure
Might have nine lives

Sometimes
You pale with desire
And I don't know whether
You've used all your lives

You might have nine lives
You've used all your lives
You might have nine lives

(From my memoirs)

I eventually had what I have come to understand as several unitive experiences. Somehow, Grace blessed me with the willingness and capacity to release myself to this unknown and numinous presence I was coming to perceive. It was during this initial period of ecstatic consciousness that I first glimpsed some of the possibilities that I have come to call “bluelab.” The odyssey which began with a long and seemingly effortless drift into lost contemplative days and evenings was punctuated by an explosive light experience followed by 2 long and breathtaking weeks of ecstatic experience.

This was to become the defining period of my life. I felt that I was reborn and that suddenly my mind and perceptions were as clear as a child’s. The scales had fallen away and everything looked completely new. Sunlight flitted on the wind ruffled leaves of trees in the Kansas June in a way that seemed electric and rife with meaning. When I looked upon people around me, my heart was crushed by the weight of their pain and my compassion and love for them. I melted at the sheer innocence and fragility of human beings and with the sense of tragedy that seemed to counter their exquisite beauty. As I stood consciously in eternal awareness all was infused with unfathomable love. I knew as never before that all things of this physical world would ultimately pass away. Each moment was so filled with beauty and magic I had to return to my breath and to prayers to stay with it all.

The edge of terror is the edge of ecstasy and the edge of death is the edge of creation and for a time I hovered there without effort. As though seeing a wall of thunderclouds overhead I looked up to see the eternal stream of man’s intellectual and spiritual knowledge drift over me as I looked back to the dark horizon of the beginning of time. I sobbed with joy and anguish more than once.

One afternoon I looked up at the sky and it seemed a rare luminous blue like a sort of translucent turquoise or lapis. I was frozen for several moments in awe. This was the experience that led many years later to naming this organization’s predecessor “Blue Glass.” During the time I was searching for a name, I was reading The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and ran across the concept called, “Rigpa.” I won’t get into all the subtle meanings of this word, but the idea of it is symbolized by the “Sky of the True Mind” as opposed to the “clouds of human ignorance and confusion.”

I somehow knew that the walls of belief systems that I’d been blocked by had collapsed like those of Jericho. I stood in radical amazement before the whole drama of creation feeling like a child suddenly delivered into the sunlight from the dark and hopeless toil of a third world factory. Somehow I knew that I wanted to share this sense of liberation that I’d been blessed with.

In one vision, I saw a stage. It looked like the stage was perhaps 10 feet tall and on the front of it I saw a 3-leaf clover pattern formed out of light. The experience filled me with a tremendous sense of responsibility and it seemed that I was witnessing something outside the envelope of space and time fully developed and real. On the stage I saw a group of performers of which I was one. I felt completely overwhelmed with the experience and was left with a quaking sense of inadequacy in terms of the scale and magnitude of the spectacle in contrast to my own sense of brokenness and uncertainty. I felt I was being shown my future. I anguished as I seemed to stand in a vortex between different dimensions, at once joyous and elated and honored while simultaneously ripped apart by my overwhelming sense of the scale and mystery and shock of a whole new level of consciousness of which I’d never dreamed.